tim
2004-10-13, 01:49
Ehrm (i say that when I am uncomfortable saying something.) I am
uncomfortable now...primarily for the importance I place upon you as a
person who matters to me...what you say to me can hurt me if you choose to
be mean...or can uplift me if you choose to be you. i wanted to laugh when i
said that...why do i place so much importance upon you and your words? i
haven't an answer...but something in you resonates with me and brings out a
melody inside of me....something inside of me wants to believe you are
compassionate and care equally even for myself as you do for others...then
there is this issue of value i place upon myself.
i regard myself very poorly and don't place much value on me. In brief I
know you care about such things as rainforests, man's inhumanity to man,
human suffering..when it is real like a fatherless/motherless child in
wartorn somalia or ethiopia...my problems cannot compare to that...so my
problems will look less in your eyes and so will i (i feel) if I told you
the things that torment my soul so much.
I want you to like me...I want it to be genuine...i don't want to devalue
myself in your eyes by worrying over things you may deem trivial or silly or
not worth my time worrying about at all...for after all "there are starving
kids in japan"
i don't know what "tone" i am setting with these words...i think they are
honest...i know they are real...i feel like i'm saying something...perhaps
i'm saying 'nothing'
but what I am saying is my pain is real.
uncomfortable now...primarily for the importance I place upon you as a
person who matters to me...what you say to me can hurt me if you choose to
be mean...or can uplift me if you choose to be you. i wanted to laugh when i
said that...why do i place so much importance upon you and your words? i
haven't an answer...but something in you resonates with me and brings out a
melody inside of me....something inside of me wants to believe you are
compassionate and care equally even for myself as you do for others...then
there is this issue of value i place upon myself.
i regard myself very poorly and don't place much value on me. In brief I
know you care about such things as rainforests, man's inhumanity to man,
human suffering..when it is real like a fatherless/motherless child in
wartorn somalia or ethiopia...my problems cannot compare to that...so my
problems will look less in your eyes and so will i (i feel) if I told you
the things that torment my soul so much.
I want you to like me...I want it to be genuine...i don't want to devalue
myself in your eyes by worrying over things you may deem trivial or silly or
not worth my time worrying about at all...for after all "there are starving
kids in japan"
i don't know what "tone" i am setting with these words...i think they are
honest...i know they are real...i feel like i'm saying something...perhaps
i'm saying 'nothing'
but what I am saying is my pain is real.